When you're working on a scheduled-gig basis, holding an often desirable slot for a client comes with a certain cost, and you're likely turning away other interested parties in order to honor the standing agreement; that's why these types of agreements, while not requiring full payment upfront in full, will often require a certain amount of the total price to be paid upfront as a non-refundable deposit. This protects the service provider from last-minute cancellations that could see them out a large chunk of income if they're unable to find another booking in time—that's why these deposits are non-refundable. You don't just get to cancel because of personal circumstances (no matter how tragic) and demand your money back; you agreed to the deal, so stop trying to change the terms of it retrospectively.
Sure, you can ask for a refund if it's far enough in advance—maybe they can find another booking and refund you if they're feeling generous—but you need to be prepared to accept whatever answer they give, as the deposit was non-refundable. Where things begin to look bad for the photographer is when you realize that the date was still quite a long way off, so they presumably would have had plenty of time to reschedule a new gig Again, they don't have to refund the deposit, but it kind of sucks not to here.
To that extent, it's also understandable that the photographer might not want to reschedule for a different set of photos somewhere off in the ever-changing indefinite future. They didn't owe that to the original poster until they (apparently) agreed to it after the fact. But it is worth noting that several months had passed after the initial cancellation before the OP reached out asking for the engagement photos to be done instead—it was a done deal, basically gone and buried at this point. The photographer should have just said "No thanks" instead of saying "Ok" and ghosting them.
Anyways, that's my reasoning for why I'm more mixed on this post than the responders on Reddit seemed to be. Worth noting that, yes, given the fact that the entire issue stemmed from a cancer diagnosis and was handled well in advance of the agreed-upon date—the photographer's actions here are pretty crappy. Would I hire them? Probably not. But by the OP's own admission, everything was done to the terms of the contract… I guess this is why this is an act of petty revenge!
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